The Great Cake Conspiracy

It is several weeks since the end of the recent holidays and I need to confess that I am still eating Christmas cake.

I set new year course towards a more healthy lifestyle but I hadn't considered on one thing; namely a friend of ours called Christine.

I feel sure that everyone must know a Christine and that their lives are enriched by the experience. For she is one if life's bakers. Not by trade you understand but by way of a hobby.

Every social occasion, when we gather with our friends, she takes the opportunity of bringing some tasty offering that is sure to beat even the most determined fitness resolve.

Banana cakes, scones with strawberries and cream, lemon flans, and her now famous Christmas cake.

I, of course, feel it is my duty as a friend to try all of the produce on offer; well! It would seem rude not to.

Mrs M, my bride of almost thirty years and self-appointed personal nurse, has her own opinion on whether this approach is helpful for my general well-being.

We had a friend with similar skills when we lived in Norfolk. Ros would also bring to our social gatherings a selection of tasty mouthfuls that would often become a pleasant feature of the evening.

Her speciality was chocolate and toffee shortbread and she was so aware of my attachment to this particular item from her repertoire that she brought a whole box full to our fiftieth birthday party last year.

So, as I experienced in Norfolk, I am still eating Christmas cake well beyond the resolution deadline.

There is another similarity between our two baking friends; both of them are not particularly keen on sweet things, meaning that they bring all this delicious ware but do not eat anything. In fact both of them, unlike this wayward writer, are slim. Some may be cruel and say that I am fat but I prefer to think of myself as jolly.

This provision of delicious produce by friends who don't like sweet foods has started me thinking. What if these lovely folk are actually part of a big conspiracy by thin people to keep us tubby ones from losing weight.

I put my idea to our friend Christine last week when she tempted me with fruit filled cake, and she chuckled, treating my comments as just a humorous aside. She didn't technically deny it however.

Mrs M, as usual not crediting my thoughts with any seriousness, said that such a theory does not remove any sense of my own responsibility.

I responded with 'My name is Alan and I love cake!'

Even after my wife's dismissive attitude, I still feel that I have hit on a valid theory.

So Christine and Ros, along with the rest of you conspirators, I know what you are doing. So please stop bringing so much cake in order to keep my rotund.

If Mrs M is not listening, however, can I have just one more piece of your delicious Christmas cake.

After all I don't want to appear rude!

- Posted from my iPhone

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